Bible Easter eggs!

In the Book of Exodus, a birth is hidden

Famously, the birth of Moses was hidden from the Egyptians. Likewise, the birth of another boy was cleverly hidden in a perfectly prescient parable:

After 40 weeks of pregnancy 40 decades of captivity, God delivers his baby Israel.

• Like a baby, Israel is abruptly expelled through a passage smeared with another's blood. (His host screams in agony and tries to push him out faster.)
• Like a baby, Israel enters into a bright, dry world where he finally meets his loving father. (Water washes away the residue trying to cling to him.)
• Like a baby, Israel is exclusively fed the same white, sweet, highly nutritious substance for every meal. (An attempt to eat regular food ends poorly.)
• Like a baby, Israel throws a fit when he wants to be fed. (This frustrates his exhausted caregivers.)
• Like a baby, Israel mostly lacks object permanence. ("Help! Moses is gone forever!" "Help! God is gone forever!" "Help! Why am I even out here?")

The people of Israel had to be born again to reach their promised land.

Likewise, we must be born again to reach ours.

The greater serpent

The following story is one of the most iconic in the Bible. How quickly will you recognize it?

• An ancient heavenly being, sometimes known as the "morning star", descends to Earth as a creature. (Unlike many animals, he doesn't walk on all-fours. People still argue about his true nature.)

• The morning star spies a human among the fig trees. (Craftily, he uses this moment to his advantage.)

• He's come to upend the world: to sow chaos and divide family members against each other. (Many Christians believe he's the world's #1 enemy.)

• The morning star speaks with an unsuspecting bride, directly challenging her obedience to a rule from God. (This rule prescribes death for anyone who breaks it, but the morning star doesn't seem to care. At all.)

• "Eat what you want!" "Enjoy your freedom!" "If you listen to me, you won't die!" (Before the morning star showed up, the bride was already misled into believing God's law was harsher than designed. This helps the morning star, making his suggestions sound even more liberating by comparison.)

• Of course, that's not nearly subversive enough for the morning star: He even encourages the bride to become like God! (Won't there be consequences? She's risking everything by trusting this rebel.)

Yes, God promises consequences

• The bride must suffer greatly for following the morning star's advice. (Nevertheless, she's given blessings and encouraged to be fruitful through her hardship.)
• The morning star will be challenged by a figure who ate food in his presence. (Enmity develops...)
• Ultimately, this challenger lifts his heel against the morning star, crushing him. (Despite knowing what's coming, the morning star refuses to change.)

Two morning stars, one story

This is the famous narrative of the Garden of Eden. But it's more than that.

It's the story of Jesus, cleverly foretold through the story of a subversive serpent who upends the whole world with a single visit.

Yes, everything above describes Jesus, too!

(Did you know he really did come to sow chaos and divide families? See Luke 12:49-53.)

"Break this covenant in case of emergency"

(This Easter egg will be painted soon.)

Our heavenly Father tears his clothing

All throughout the Bible, people display their grief and sorrow by tearing their clothing.

• In 2 Samuel 1:11-12, King David tears his clothing after losing his brother Jonathon and father Saul. (Both were in-laws. Jonathon was loving and sweet; Saul was a scorpion who finally stung himself.)

• In Genesis 37:33-34, The patriarch Jacob tears his clothing after losing his son Joseph. (Jacob, also named Israel, is the source of the country's name.)

• In job 1:19-20, a gentle man named Job tears his clothing after losing all his children. (His name rhymes with "robe", and his story gets better.)

God's son is murdered

"Jesus uttered a loud cry, and breathed his last. And the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom."

God the Father didn't have a tunic or a robe, but he did have a veil in his famous temple in Jerusalem.

The veil of the temple

God's veil served as clothing for his holy presence.

• The veil was lifted for just one long-term partner: the High Priest of Israel. (God picked the priest.)
• It veiled the entrance to the holiest room in the temple of God. (Peeking was a shameful crime.)
• Before going in, the High Priest had to bathe, bring gifts, and wear soft clothing. (It was a private act. Absolutely no one could witness it.)
• For everyone, including God's long-term partner: Entering this clothed area without permission meant certain death.

(We all have our own temples to God: our bodies! We must pattern our behavior after God's example.)

The passion of the Father

When his beloved boy dies, the Earth trembles, and God tears his only garment in grief.

(God loves his Son's perfect, selfless obedience. God doesn't love his people working with an evil empire to torture a frightened man to death.)

"No coincidences with God", right?

Genesis 19 is sad.

In the city of Sodom, a man named "Lot" finds his house surrounded by a mob of sexual predators.

"All the men of Sodom, young and old, came from all over the city and surrounded the house. They shouted to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to spend the night with you? Bring them out to us so we can have sex with them!'"

This raging mob intends to rape his two male guests.

How does Lot respond?

"Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them!"

To everyone's horror, Lot offers to sacrifice his daughters to the mob.

If he gets his way, his poor daughters might even be raped to death, given the heartbreaking parallel scene we find in Judges 19.

(In Judges 19, another mob demands to rape another male guest. That guest sacrifices his own wife to the mob; she is raped so violently that she dies from her injuries.)

Fast-forward >>

Then, a lot happens. This captures the spirit of events, not their every detail:

• The sexually abusive mob is blinded and dispersed.
• Lot's uncle Abraham timidly begs God to spare his nephew from his judgment. (God grants this wish, but Abraham's selfish pleading would eventually lead to harm for millions of people. The moral of the story: Trust God's perfect justice.)
• Lot's city of Sodom is destroyed, and his wife is destroyed with it. (Lot and his two daughters are the city's only survivors.)
• Lot is mysteriously banished to a mountain cave with his two daughters. (They live utterly alone.)

Heavenly turnabout

"I form light and create darkness. I make well-being and create calamity. I am the Lord, who does all these things."

Lot had tried to have his daughters raped by a mob. Lot had tried to have sadistic, violent, evil men take turns tearing those women's hearts to pieces.

In that cave, Lot's daughters take turns raping him.

A naked angel, running from grabby men

"A certain young man was following Jesus, wearing nothing but a linen cloth. They caught hold of him, but he left the linen cloth and ran off naked."

(This Easter egg will be painted soon.)

God never commands child sacrifice

(Under construction! Hard hats are required; elbow pads are encouraged.)

Jeremiah, the powerful prophet trusted by Daniel, records something special for us:

Not me, not me, not me!

"There, they burn their sons and daughters in the fire. I have never commanded such a horrible deed; it never even crossed my mind to command such a thing!"

(Jeremiah 7:31, Jeremiah 19:5, Jeremiah 32:35)

On three separate occasions, God insists that it never even crossed his mind to command anyone to sacrifice their child as a burnt offering.

These three denials are remarkable: In the entire Bible, they're the only three times God ever claims something didn't cross his infinite mind.

Okay, okay, okay

We get it: God has literally never commanded anyone to sacrifice their child as a burnt offering.

It's straightforward. It shouldn't be controversial.

In the Bible, child sacrifice is what demons demand. (God wants parents to sacrifice themselves for their children, just as God sacrificed himself for his.)

Christians reject God's denials

Regrettably, many Christians have become convinced that it's okay to disregard those powerful threefold denials. ("God means what he says, except here!")

If challenged, these lost lambs would probably point to an earlier story in the Bible; On the surface, the earlier story so blatantly contradicts God's later denials that we should buzz with curiosity.

The contradiction

• In Genesis 22:2, God commands Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac as a burnt offering...?! (That's the exact thing he later denies!)
• Just in time, God rescues Isaac by screaming at Abraham not to lay his hands on the poor bound-up boy. (Oh, poor Isaac! Imagine carrying around this trauma: "My dad bound me up, intending to kill me and cook me. He thought he was doing God's work!")

This chapter is presented as a test of Abraham's faith and heart:

• [todo]
• [todo]

Regardless of anything written hereafter, Abraham was clearly trying to do the right thing for God. There's a reason Jesus kept saying sweet things about him.

(A note to unbelievers)

If you aren't a believer, pretend we're about to argue for a fictional fan theory by appealing to internal narrative consistency.

If you want to play along, here's the game:

• We treat the Bible as a single narrative squeezed through many human authors. (It's a scattering of perspectives that all point to the same truth.)
• We seek to piece together that underlying narrative by thoughtfully exploring the Bible's many texts. (It's like reconstructing a Lego model by examining several old photos taken from different angles.)
• The underlying narrative must be consistent, coherent, and free of contradiction.

Reconciling the denials with the story

[Todo: list options]

Does God ever take the blame?

Yes, and he does it often! God takes the blame for others' misbehavior in a surprising variety of ways:

• Satan incites King David to take a military census, replacing his faith in God with faith in his army. Initially, God takes the blame: God even attributes dialog to himself to make it appear that he, not Satan, spoke to David!

  (In 2 Samuel 24:1, God tells King David to take the census. Later, 1 Chronicles 21:1 reveals God was taking responsibility for Satan's deeds.)

• Satan jealously torments a sweet man named Job. Everyone blames God, and God goes along with it.

  (In the narrative, God corrects a large pile of people's misconceptions, but he never corrects anyone for blaming him.)

• God allows himself to be tortured to death as punishment for the sins of his children.

  (Here's the idea: God is responsible for creating us, right? Well, God offers to take responsibility for our behavior, too, if we're willing to give it to him.)

Let's appreciate something special: When God takes the blame, he's willing to attribute spoken dialog to himself to seal the deal.

(Let's pause to play something important)

(Checkpoint #1)

Let's gather what we've learned so far.

• Jellyfish can fly.
• God takes the blame for others' misbehavior.
• When God takes the blame, he's willing to attribute spoken dialog to himself to fully seal the deal.
• God swears: No, not me! It never even crossed my mind to demand anyone's child as a burnt offering!

(Okay! Let's get back to it!)

Is there evidence of prior contact between demons and poor Abraham?

The rescue of Abraham

God rescued Abraham from a family who served demons. (Abraham himself had to grow up worshipping them.)

• In Genesis 12:1, we learn Abraham was still living in his dad's household when God saved him.

  (In the Ancient Near East, Abraham's dad would have enjoyed absolute authority over his household, even serving as its priest.)

• In Joshua 24:2, we learn that Abraham's father led his family in worshipping other gods.

  (The Bible warns us about gross spirits who compete with God himself for our devotion.)

• In Deuteronomy 32:16-18 and 1 Corinthians 10:19-21, we confirm that other "gods" are demons competing with their own perfect creator.

  (Thousands of years later, corrupt people still enjoy devoting themselves to cruel, conniving demons made of animal parts.)

Okay, Abraham worshipped demons

Do demons actually do anything?

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

To be continued. <3

Demons try to murder anything resembling Christ

To be continued. <3